Overprotection of Children: Between Protection and Independence

Summary

The podcast "Input" examines the phenomenon of overprotection of children in Switzerland. A qualitative study shows that 22% of Swiss parents display a tendency toward overprotection. The broadcast follows the family of Andrina and her husband Gino, who actively engage with this topic, and analyzes with developmental psychologist Claudia Röbers from the University of Bern and child and adolescent psychotherapist Joëlle Gut the causes and consequences of excessive protection.

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Detailed Summary

The Phenomenon of Overprotection

The broadcast begins with an everyday scene: A school demands written confirmation from parents that their child may handle a torch during a ski camp. This seemingly exaggerated precautionary measure has long become standard according to feedback from teachers. Many schools today must secure themselves for every small step because parents are becoming increasingly difficult. The Zurich University of Teacher Education found in a qualitative study that 22% of parents in Switzerland show a tendency toward overprotection.

Case Study: Andrina and Gino

To make the phenomenon tangible, the broadcast follows the four-member family of Andrina (36) and her husband Gino (38) in their daily life. Andrina works one day a week in an office and is otherwise a housewife and mother. She consciously responded to a call from Input because the topic of overprotection greatly occupies her family. During joint activities with other families, it becomes apparent that Andrina and Gino continuously interact with their children and warn them – "slowly, carefully" – while other parents can simply talk to each other. Andrina accompanies her seven-year-old son to sports training, even though many other parents let their children go alone. She also struggles to send her older son to a birthday party at a play center.

Definition of Overprotection

Claudia Röbers, head of the developmental psychology department at the University of Bern, explains that the primary task of parents is initially to protect their children and shield them from dangers and illnesses. Overprotection occurs when parents don't allow children to have their own experiences. However, a clear definition is difficult because there is no objective boundary between proper protection and overprotection.

Children strive for independence from the beginning and increasingly want to gather their own experiences. If parents continuously brake this natural drive and constantly say "You can't do that" or "That's too dangerous," this threshold has been crossed. The age of the child, their temperament, their fearfulness, as well as the temperament and fearfulness of the parents play an important role.

Causes of Overprotection

The broadcast identifies several reasons for overprotection:

Parental Insecurity: Claudia Röbers emphasizes that parents today are as insecure as never before. There is no longer a grandmother who says "We've always done it this way." Instead, parents find contradictory advice on the Internet – from "A kindergarten child can travel alone from Bern to Zurich" to "You absolutely must not do that."

Need for Control: Joëlle Gut, a child and adolescent psychotherapist with 25 years of experience, explains that some parents have too great a need for control. They cannot simply trust that their child can fall from a tree without dying.

Over-identification with the Child: A more recent phenomenon compared to earlier generations is over-identification with the child and the parental role. Parents view the child as a "project" and constantly reflect on possible dangers, read too much, and live in permanent insecurity instead of acting intuitively-rationally.

Anxiety Disorders: Parents can have their own anxiety disorder, which is not uncommon. They no longer realize how they are behaving and what the norm would be. Anxiety disorders are generally increasing and influence parents as role models for their children.

Andrina's Personal Story

Andrina reveals her personal story, which explains why she and Gino are overprotective. At ages 22-23, she lost her grandparents in the same year and experienced an assault on a train – a traumatic experience in which a man tried to attack her. Although she was able to defend herself and nothing bad happened, she subsequently developed a panic attack. Thanks to therapy, she got it under control, but the theme of fear remained.

Years later, during family planning, the fear intensified. She was afraid of becoming pregnant, afraid of loss. When she finally became pregnant and her first child was born, there were complications: The newborn had to go to neonatal care for several hours because he had breathing problems. This "primordial fear" about her child's breathing has not fully resolved to this day and is a significant reason for her overprotection.

Gino's Cultural Background

Gino, an Italian, was himself heavily overprotected. In Italy, where he grew up in small villages, it was customary not to send children to school alone in bad weather. For his family, it was completely incomprehensible to let children go alone in rain and snow. He has carried this conditioning with him and passes it on to his own children.

Effects of Overprotection on Children

Claudia Röbers warns of the consequences: Overprotected children develop worse self-efficacy, lower self-worth, and poorer problem-solving skills. It becomes particularly problematic as they grow older: They struggle with challenges because they have not learned to be self-efficacious.

At school, where parents are not present, conflicts on the playground or difficult assignments cannot be managed. These children don't have a "backpack" with the conviction "I can do this now, for sure." In young adulthood, this can have fatal consequences: Young people who don't trust themselves don't actively approach challenges and can fall into crises.

Test Anxiety at University: A main reason why students leave the University of Bern and other universities worldwide is test anxiety. This often arises because students have not learned to deal with failure or to trust themselves.

Effects on Andrina's Sons

In their own children, Andrina and Gino already notice first effects: a certain lack of independence and insufficient self-confidence. The children intellectually know that they are strong – the parents tell them daily in a gratitude ritual "You are wonderful, you are great, you have strength in you" – but they don't feel this strength themselves because they haven't been allowed to have enough experiences.

Positive Turning Point: The Path to Independence

A concrete example shows a turning point: The seven-year-old son tells Andrina one day that he wants to come home from the gym alone. Although Andrina worries about whether he can open the lock and find his way home safely, she lets him go. In the end, he not only arrives safely but now does it regularly – and that gives the child genuine self-confidence.

Solutions and Recommendations

Claudia Röbers emphasizes that one must listen to children. Children can very well determine what they can do and what they need – you just have to give them the opportunity to do so. A good approach is: "Here is the path to music school. Which part of it do you think you can do yourself? How far should I come with you?" When parents give this space and say "I will protect you if you need it, but I also trust you to do this yourself," children can learn this very well.

Joëlle Gut warns against judging parents who overprotect too quickly. There can be trauma – a mother who had a stillbirth, or their own terrible childhood experiences. These parents deserve understanding and professional help. She recommends open conversations between parent friends without judgment. If someone actually has an anxiety disorder, psychotherapy can be very effective in helping – it is usually not a long process and very manageable.

Stress for Parents

It is important to understand that parents also suffer from their overprotection. They live in constant stress levels and constantly experience fear – this is not conducive to their own health.

Key Points

• Overprotection is Widespread: 22% of Swiss parents show tendencies toward overprotection, exacerbated by digital parenting guides and contradictory online information.

• Parental Insecurity is the Main Driver: Modern parents are more insecure than previous generations because they lack traditional reference points and the Internet provides contradictory advice.

• Traumatic Experiences and Anxiety Disorders Are Often the Reason: Personal traumas, losses, or anxiety disorders in parents are often unconscious causes of overprotection.

• Overprotection Harms Child Development: Children develop worse self-efficacy, low self-worth, and problems coping with challenges – especially later in young adulthood and with test anxiety.

• Children Need Room for Experiences: Children naturally strive for independence and want to gather experiences. Parents should support this drive rather than brake it.

• Small Steps Make the Difference: Concrete examples like allowing a child to come home alone build genuine self-confidence and show that the path to less overprotection is achievable.

• Understanding Instead of Judgment: Parents who overprotect deserve understanding for their often unconscious reasons. Professional help through psychotherapy can effectively help manage anxiety disorders.

• Open Communication Helps: Conversations between parents without judgment, in which one asks "Why are you afraid for your children?", foster mutual understanding and can lead to change.

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